The Oxygen Mask Theory
One of the issues of everyday life that becomes even more critical during times of stress is forgetting to take care of ourselves. We may not even realize that we are much more concerned with meeting other people’s needs than we are with satisfying our own. How can you tell if this is happening to you? Ask yourself these three questions:
- Do my decisions reflect what is most important to me?
- Do I give without getting anything in return?
- Do I feel dissatisfied with the way others treat me?
The Oxygen Mask Theory’s name is taken from the flight attendant’s instructions on a plane prior to take-off. “If you are traveling with a child or someone who needs assistance, put your own oxygen mask on first, then help your traveling companion.”
The best gift a person can give to another is to bring his or her best self to the relationship. Think of how you interact with your spouse or your child. If you are happy and feeling good, you are much more likely to share quality time – rather than just marking time’s passage together.
The first rule of getting your needs met is that you must know what is important to you. Perhaps having an hour alone to take a bath or read a book is what makes you feel fulfilled. Or perhaps it is the chance to exercise every day. You must be able to identify what you want so that you can figure out how to get it. One way to get your need met may be to trade babysitting time with another mother – taking each other’s children to allow the other the opportunity for rejuvenation.
The second rule for getting your needs met is to be able to clearly and calmly ask for what you need. Do not expect others to read your mind or know what you want if you’ve never told them! Perhaps you would like your spouse to help clean up the kitchen after a family meal. Have you asked for him for help, or do you just grumble to yourself while he heads to the TV? Let him know that you would really appreciate his help, and then thank him for contributing.
The third rule for getting your needs met is to choose your battles. Be clear about what needs are “deal breakers” and what needs are “nice to have.” What are you missing the most in your life? Schedule a date night with your spouse, and help her arrange for someone to take care of the kids. Find a gym that has child care, so you can all go together.
Take charge of your life and make it satisfying and fulfilling. We each have different priorities, desires, and needs. By getting your needs met (putting on your oxygen mask first) you are a better traveling companion who is ready and able to assist the other passengers in your life.